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[That photo up there comes from the awesome Teen Girl Squad videos. Go check them out. Seriously.]
If you are looking for a weird and wonderful gift idea, look no further. (Ahem, unless the recipient is a vegetarian, then you need to look further.)
Lots of people are extreme carnivores. I say this as a quasi-vegetarian… so a lot of this is lost on me. Observations that I have: meat is pretty expensive and lots of people are drawn to large amounts of meat. I will even venture that it is disproportionately men who like lots of meat, so this makes a perfect gift for a groom, or just a gift idea for men in general.
That’s the gift idea. Buy your best friend, or your spouse, or your partner, or the groom, or the whole couple a wedding or anniversary gift of a large portion of an animal. For Valentine’s Day, I gave my spouse half a lamb. This is a true gift, given my quasi-vegetarian-ness (totally a word) and my strong dislike of lamb in particular.
Let’s say you’re a best man, or best gal and you think to yourself, “I’m going to get the groom an awesome wedding gift – a quarter of a cow!” The next thought should be something along the lines of, “how on earth am I going to transport it? I really hope they have sufficient freezer space.”
First off, you need to find yourself a butcher, or the local Hutterites, or your co-worker’s off-grid organic lamb raising relatives (just me?). From there, figure out what you are able to purchase, how long it will take for delivery, how it comes packaged (they may include a freezer!) and how long it will last in a freezer.
Next, you need to determine if they will have sufficient space to store the $150 of (beef) bacon that you plan to purchase for them. You may want to run your gift idea by the other half of the couple, or perhaps the parents. Maybe bring it up as a joke to gauge the response of your recipient(s).
Finally, make up a gift card, or include a note in your awesome wedding card. In it, you can indicate what you have purchased and that you need to arrange delivery, when the couple has had time to settle down post-wedding. Feel free to include a cookbook, or go for the slightly-crude-but-always-hilarious gift card with a cute version of the animal you are gifting.
Update: My spouse has decided that the half-lamb somehow constitutes a sacrifice in honour of my spouse. If you don’t believe such statements constitute sacrilege, feel free to play up that theme as well!
Have you ever received a whole pile of meat as a gift? Would you like to receive such a thing?
This post has been brought to you by parenthesis. Take that, grammar.
Originally posted 2013-02-15 04:00:26.