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Everyone around you a little too jolly for your liking this holiday season? I’ve got you! Here’s my ultimate guide to giving offensive Christmas gifts. It’s a perfect guide for trolls or a cautionary tale to help you learn what not to do when it comes to Christmas gift giving.
As someone who’s super passionate about giving great gifts this topic hits home. But I also consider myself a gifting troll from time to time… Like giving gifts like Moon Sand to the kids of friends with immaculate houses or noisemakers to nieces and nephews. Kids are easy because you can gifts to annoy your bestie or siblings but there are so many people in your life you can offend with gifts!
Offensive Christmas Gift Ideas For Everyone On Your List
Some of these ideas are downright offensive, others just a little playful fun. You, my chaotic friend, can decide what you want to do with the information here.
PS. These are not to be confused with white elephant gifts or sincerely bad gifts – this is the art of giving offensive Christmas gifts… And it is an art!
Diet/Self Help Books
Going hard with number 1 here! Unless you absolutely know the person wants these for Christmas they’re going to come across as hella offensive.
I especially love this one by Peter Walsh (the guy from Clean Sweep) because it implies that they’re fat and their house is messy. Win-win!
Loud Toys (For the Kids)
You can’t go wrong with this annoying classic! Perfect for your siblings’ kids (why stop being irritating now that you’re grown up?) or someone you don’t like.
Fake Lotto Tickets (or Other Pranks)
It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt… And someone will get hurt with this gift if they don’t enjoy pranks very much! Imagine the look of disappointment when they find out they didn’t win.
An Offensive Magazine Subscription
It’s the offensive Christmas gift that keeps on giving! Instead of giving a magazine they’d like opt for one that will piss them off every month when it arrives. Options range from tone-deaf (like a Food magazine for folks who are trying to lose weight or have dietary restrictions) to insulting their intelligence (send a tabloid) and abilities (skill magazine). You pick!
Hygiene Products
There’s only two groups of people who you can give hygiene products to without being offensive: your spouse and children/teens. Everyone else will be sitting there wondering if they smell bad after getting this set.
Even if they aren’t offended, they’ll definitely feel like you got something thoughtless!
Offensive Novelty Mugs
Another option with so many possibilities, you can really offend people on your Christmas list with all the novelty mug options they have out there.
This would be great for someone who is a bit prudish or conservative in their values (good gift for your grandma?).
Scale
Another great one for calling someone fat! Unlike something mildly insulting like a Fitbit or workout gear, a scale doesn’t have any other benefits other than tracking weight – which means its the perfect gift to offend.
Clothing
So many ways to offend someone with clothing as a gift! Give it way too small or big and they’ll be insulted and upset about their size/weight. Or get something that that obviously doesn’t suit them and they’ll feel you don’t pay attention.
Childish Gifts
Don’t get me wrong, some folks do enjoy these – but not everyone. This is a great way to offend a teen: get them something they’re too old for.
Disney Stuff for Adults
Unless they’re adults who like Disney they probably don’t want Disney-related stuff in their home. Especially Mickey and Minnie.
Bonus points if you order something personalized so they can’t return it.
Baby/Pregnancy Gifts
You’re probably thinking… This isn’t offensive. And you’d be right if you were shopping for someone who is pregnant or openly planning to have children soon. But if the recipient isn’t interested in having kids putting the pressure on to procreate is definitely not what they want this holiday season.
Leave Someone Off the Family Sign
These family signs are super popular especially as Christmas gifts for parents, grandparents, and couples. They’re also the perfect shortcut to offending someone: leave them off!
Heteronormative Stuff (For Your Queer Pals)
Ah, the tacky him and hers gift sets. These are usually annoying even if you’re straight but your queer friends will be especially offended if you get something that implies “his and hers” when that isn’t what their relationship looks like.
Christian Gifts (To Those Who Don’t Practice)
With so many different beliefs out there it’s best to avoid this genre of gift if you don’t want to offend. If you do, on the other hand, by all means give the atheists and non-Christians in your life something that reflects your religion, not theirs.
Things They Hate
If you know the gift recipient at all then you’ll likely have plenty of choices when it comes to things they hate for Christmas gifts. Some examples include scents you know they dislike, things in colours they avoid, or animals/characters they hate.
The example here is a dog gnome because I hate both dogs and gnomes (in case you wanna buy me a gift I’ll hate).
Framed Picture of the Wrong Person
Love this one! A framed picture is a thoughtful gift… Unless you put someone in there they don’t like. Think: a couple picture that includes their ex, family pics with estranged members, or pictures of your pets.
Romantic Signs
Time one of these bad boys wrong (right) and you’ll be able to really offend someone. How? Give it to a couple that just started dating and it will be super awkward. Or even better: offer it to someone who you know isn’t super happy in their relationship.
Wrong Gender Gifts
This could be especially offensive to your trans or gender non-conforming loved ones but it also applies to the men and women in your life too. Get a straight man something feminine and see how they react to you’ll see what I mean!
Stuff They Can’t Eat
I definitely don’t condone getting anyone with a life-threatening allergy something that could harm them for Christmas but ignoring allergies or dietary restrictions (when you’re aware of them) is a surefire way to offend over the holidays.
Sexy/Sexual Gifts
You could offend your partner with this one especially if you don’t get something else for them but this is even more awkward to give to people you’re not romantically involved with.
This is especially true for someone who may have reservations about this kind of gift.
Gifts That Imply Something
Another open ended suggestion to spark you offensive Christmas gift imagination!
Maybe you could give someone who’s married a divorce book despite them not planning on getting divorced or a stay at home mom a career planning book, for example.
Misspelled Names
As someone who often gets their name misspelled I can personally vouch for how offensive this can be! Misspell their name on the tag or card for an easy way to offend, or go all out and order something personalized incorrectly.
Craft Kits
Get them something you know they’d never be interested in. Bonus points if it’s something you like and want them to do!
Another great option is something messy for kids like this marbling paint art. I’ll bet it stains, too.
Embarassing Gifts
Not entirely offensive but adjacent enough to fall into this category when it comes to Christmas gifts.
“Gag” gifts can turn embarrassing and offensive when they play on a real issue someone has. For example, emergency underwear for someone who has incontinence.
Gifts Designed to Be Offensive
Some people appreciate offensive items and gifts but there are plenty of folks out there who will get upset by swear words or vulgar messages on things they own.
Hopefully you found some new and exciting ways to give offensive Christmas gifts from these ideas! If you’re feeling less like a Grinch and more like Santa you can also use this as inspiration for what not to give people this holiday season.
